Saturday, October 20, 2012

Finding back my track

It has been almost 3 months since I became an MO. It's ironic as there's no entry at all after housemanship. I'll take my time to write it down. Hopefully it'll be beneficial to me and others.

Note: Today is Ayah's birthday; his 60th birthday. I pray for the best for him. May Allah shower him with His blessing.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Saya mesti sabar selalu

Wahai diri, bersabarlah.

Tempat yang paling mencabar kesabaran saya adalah di ED berbanding dengan posting lain. Berhadapan dengan seribu satu kerenah pesakit amat menguji kemampuan saya menahan sabar dan terus bersabar. Mungkin cabaran itu bertambah dengan perasaan letih dan penat bekerja sehari-hari.

Setiap hari saya berkata pada diri yang saya harus memberi yang terbaik untuk pesakit-pesakit saya. Paling kurang, saya menyambut mereka dengan baik dan senyuman walaupun mereka datang dengan demam biasa pada pukul 4 pagi; pada saat badan saya sudah memberi isyarat kepenatan yang amat sangat. Pesakit-pesakit saya datang untuk memohon bantuan dan mereka berharap yang terbaik daripada kami yang memberi rawatan (pedulikan mereka yang datang dengan niat yang lain); walaupun bagi kami yang merawat, perkara tersebut amat lah kecil dan simple.

Semua ini kerana saya juga manusia biasa. Saya juga bakal memerlukan bantuan mereka di luar sana; tidak kira di mana sama ada di bank, pejabat pos, pasaraya atau di mana-mana sahaja. 

Dan yang paling utama sekali adalah kerana saya hanya seorang hamba kepada Tuhan yang Satu. Kerja saya adalah amanah buat saya. Dan sebagai seorang hamba, saya hanya meminta dan memohon kepada Tuhan saya untuk segala-galanya; termasuk perkara-perkara kecil dan simple dalam hidup saya hanya kerana saya tidak tahu apa perancanganNya. Saya tidak dapat bayangkan jika Tuhan tidak mendengar permintaan saya, tidak membantu saya, tidak mengendahkan saya dalam saya menjalani kehidupan ini.

Jadi, wahai diri, bersabarlah dengan mereka yang memerlukan bantuan. Bersabarlah dan berikan yang terbaik untuk mereka. Semoga Allah juga sentiasa melimpahkan rahmatNya pada diri yang serba kekurangan ini. Ameen.

71200 Seremban

Monday, June 11, 2012

Today and days after

I am post double shift today. I don't want to say the word 't***d' anymore though my body couldn't take it and couldn't lie about it. 

I just want to move forward, see what's ahead awaits for me. 

Everyday is full of learning and I appreciate it. 

I really hope for the best for today and the days after. To Allah, I put all my hope and prayers. Ameen.

71200 Seremban

Sunday, June 3, 2012

That lights and siren

I don't like to be in an ambulance. It makes me nauseated. Before this, I was in the ambulance to send cases especially when I was in medical and surgical posting. But this time, I have to attend cases and bring the patient to hospital.

During my very first ambulance call, I was so afraid to face it though we had gone through BLS and BTLS courses. I was not so sure what am I afraid of; maybe it was the usual feeling for the first timer. If possible, I'd like to change it with somebody else. But, my best friend kept giving me motivation, encouraged me to face it as there is nothing to be afraid of; just do it accordingly and reassured me that the MAs are experienced enough to face the situations. He also told me to manage the situation and don't let ourselves be influenced by the situation.

I went to work that night with mixed feeling; I was excited but at the same time I was so afraid. I did not have a good sleep that evening though I was tired with cases in red zone that morning. Things went well in the first hour of working; attending patients in yellow zone as usual - but patients kept coming that night; we had no enough hands. I was glad in the first place when my friend; who was at the end of the posting offered himself to go for ambulance call if there was any trauma case - I was more than happy to give him the chance.

Everything started at 11 o'clock; when I was called by the MA to attend an MVA case near Carefour Seremban. I was trying to find my friend but I could not spot him anywhere. So, I just went out for the case. I could not describe my feeling in the ambulance. I told myself that I have to stay calm and be ready; I could only read selawat and bismillah throughout the journey.

It was a bad traffic on the way to the scene as the it was the main road to Senawang, plus it was Saturday night! There were already at least 2 JPAM ambulances at the scene while we arrived. The accident was between a car vs car. A car from the opposite direction was skidded at the traffic light, flew to the road heading to Senawang and hit a car before turned over and landed in a drain. Just imagine how bad was it as there was a 3 lane - road for each direction. There were 3 victims in the car; the driver, the front passenger and the back passenger. The back passenger was thrown from car and passed away.

The first victim we met was a family who did not sustain any external injury; they were in great shock, un expecting anything to happen on their way back home from a kenduri. One of our MA took care of the family and brought them to the ambulance. We searched for another victim - he was sitting beside a drain and screaming in great pain and maybe for a great fear; no obvious deep external wound. We let the JPAM staffs took care of the victim as the airway, breathing and circulation were secured. I attended a patient in one of the JPAM ambulance; he was alert, conscious with GCS 15/15, ABC was secured but his left lower limb was splinted as deformity was noted. And to my surprise, he was one of my hospital staff  in surgical ward! He was stable with IV drip in progress prepared by the JPAM staff. The only thing that was not completed was cervical collar and I asked them to apply it though he did not complain of any neck pain. I accompanied this patient to hospital (in JPAM ambulance). I did not find the dead victim as they may have rushed him to hospital earlier.

I triaged all the victims I met to yellow zone. Unfortunately, the second victim needed to be up graded to red zone for chest tube after primary survey as subcutaneous emphysema was noted. The red zone was like a war zone with CPR was going on with few other asthmatic patients on the bay.

While I was helping with the patient, another ambulance call came in - and again trauma case. It was a call by the public as they found a gentleman lying on road beside his motorbike. "He must be drunken!" said
my MA. We rushed to the scene. This time, I had no time to get worried or trying to comfort myself. The adrenaline rush dictated everything. There was an elderly Indian gentleman lying on road beside his motorbike with a strong alcohol smell! I did things accordingly. Red zone was informed about this case which need intubation; I did not intubate in the ambulance as the hospital was just nearby. We rushed the patient to red zone as we arrived and everything was ready. The patient was safely intubated but unfortunately our CT scan was broken down and we needed to bag him to Mawar Hospital for CT brain. While the patient was intubated, I was called again for another case!

This time was a case of acute exacerbation of bronchial asthma; we received the call from an elderly Malay lady who has been having asthmatic attack for the past 3 days but was relieved with Salbutamol inhaler. She had no transport to hospital and stayed with her son who was still young; I assumed he was around a 12-year-old kid. It was another headache to find the house in the middle of night. I nauseated in the ambulance especially when we passed through the bumpers in the housing areas. It took quite sometimes before we could find the house. I was lucky as my MA was well trained. We gave nebulized AVN to the patient and rushed to hospital; and I still nauseated and leaned my head against the wall with my eyes half -opened monitoring the patient - ensuring the vital signs are stable.

I triaged this patient to red zone and helped out with the patient as red zone was busy that night. And...another ambulance call came in; trauma case - again!

That was during my very first ambulance call. Now, I have no more palpitation or worry for the call because I know Allah is always with me and He always send good people for me. Thanks to my friend for your encouraging words. In fact, I don't mind to take the call if offered by my colleagues because of the experience that I'll gain from it. Sadly, the motion sickness doesn't fade away.

Ya Allah, please ease my way to help those in need. Please grant me patience and passion to deal with them. Please grant me patience, patience and patience. Ameen.

71200 Seremban

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Harapan di ED

Setiap hari saya berusaha untuk menyesuaikan diri dengan jadual shift di ED; double shift dan hari kelepasan yang tidak menentu. Berusaha untuk masih berfungsi pada hari kelepasan (post double); saya tidak mampu untuk tidur sahaja dari pagi hingga ke petang walaupun sememangnya amat letih dan penat - terasa masa terbazir begitu sahaja.

Dari hari ke hari, saya berusaha untuk membaiki diri, menambah ilmu dan menimba pengalaman untuk berdepan dengan pesakit-pesakit di ED. Saya begitu teruja dengan pengalaman-pengalaman baru setiap hari; syukur pada Allah yang sentiasa memudahkan segala urusan. 

Semoga hari-hari mendatang sentiasa menggembirakan =)

71200 Seremban

Saturday, April 28, 2012

ED posting

Dua hari lepas, sudah genap sebulan saya bertugas di Jabatan Kecemasan (ED). Rutin hidup bertukar dengan sistem shift di ED yang berbeza dengan jabatan-jabatan lain. Tiada istilah hari minggu. Hari-hari merupakan hari bekerja kecuali HK (Hari Kelepasan); itu pun setelah mengharungi double shift pada hari sebelumnya. Saya tabahkan hati mengharunginya. Kalau orang lain boleh buat, mengapa bukan saya. Lagipun bukannya lama, 4 bulan sahaja. (Tapi minggu ni saya tiada HK; saya bekerja dari Isnin hingga Ahad ni - tapi sebelum ni pun macam tak biasa begini, mode : tabahkan hati).

Walaupun begitu, saya gembira bertugas di ED kerana dikelilingi rakan-rakan HO yang sama-sama bekerja. Hampir semua mereka saya kenali kerana sama-sama bertugas di jabatan-jabatan lain sebelum ini. Bos-bos MO yang banyak memberi tunjuk ajar serta kawan-kawan staff nurse dan MA yang banyak membantu melicinkan kerja di ED yang memang sudah sedia sibuk dengan pesakit. 

Bersyukur juga kerana diberi peluang melalui pengalaman hidup ini. Setiap hari saya belajar sesuatu yang baru, belajar kembali apa yang saya sudah tahu dan membetulkan apa saya sangka saya tahu sebelum ini. Pengalaman bertugas di ED amat berharga untuk dibawa untuk district posting kelak; walaupun saya amat berharap untuk kekal bertugas di HTJS selepas HO nanti (borang pertukaran penempatan pun saya tidak isi). Apa pun, saya berharap semua ilmu yang ditimba semasa housemanship ini dapat membantu saya nanti; walaupun banyak lagi yang perlu dipelajari.

Hari-hari saya berdoa agar urusan-urusan saya dimudahkan. Ternyata Tuhan itu Maha Mendengar dan Maha Memberi. Terima kasih Allah.

Banyak lagi yang ingin diceritakan, Nantilah di lain hari. Saya bertugas shift petang hari ini.

71200 Seremban

Monday, April 9, 2012

Orthopaedics in memory

I've never imagined before that I'd love orthopedics like this. During student time, despite the feeling that orthopedics is just another subject and it-is-not-so-for-me, I enjoyed my posting with all the dedicated lecturers and in fact I got orthopedics case for my long case in my final professional exam - acute osteomyelitis in a child which complicated with sepsis that required ICU admission.

I was so afraid when I first started my ortho posting as HO; knowing my knowledge is all at the sacrum level. But somehow, I managed to survive my 14-day tagging period answering the basic questions that was frequently asked by our lecturers. Thanks to Allah for giving me opportunity to learn with great people.

Throughout the posting (leave the internal politics in the department), ortho is a very interesting field. It's not merely about a carpenter works in a sterile room. Everything is about knowledge in order to produce a perfect, functional and sustainable masterpiece. The aim is always to enable patients to regain his pre morbid functional level or at least to prevent further problems. The management is GENERALLY straight forward as compared to medical.

I was usually left alone by my MO in LA OT. It was only some lucky days when my MO was around supervising me doing the works. Somehow I felt appreciated as they trusted me but most of the time I felt afraid of doing mistakes without anybody correcting me. But, Alhamdulillah, Allah helped me along the way.

Doing call as senior HO in which I had to see all referral cases from ED or ward really helped me to appreciate the knowledge as I was the first person encountered the case before my MO. In every call, pelvic fracture is a must-encountered case. It was very different when I did the call in surgery where my MO was always available. Sometimes, I just can't imagine how could I go through it alone (as my MO was in OT or went back already as room is not provided for them); seeing cases alone in red zone in the middle of night whereby the other HO from surgical and ED team had their own MO with them. But I think that made me more confident in myself in managing the patient (but of course I need to know my limit!). And of course, my colleagues in ward would not expect a good night for them if I am doing the senior HO call.

I admired ortho surgeon (I repeat - ortho surgeon) very much. The stigma in the hospital is the lousy doctors are thrown in ortho (at least that was the perceptions of MOs in other departments in my hospital - there was once when I was in 'this' posting; my MO said those 2nd poster from ortho [as 1st posting] are not considered as 2nd posting). No (maybe not all). Ortho surgeons that I knew since student time until now are all knowledgeable and responsible persons. They inspired me; not really through their operational skills and masterpiece, but through the way how they coach us as junior doctors and the way how they show their care to patients. Yes, it was usually the hard way in coaching us but I took it as learning process.

Oh, how could I forget that I was the HO leader in ortho. I started doing the schedule on my day 15 in ortho. I was struggling at that time; adapting myself with the new department, new bosses, new rules and at the same I needed to crack my head for the schedule. It was difficult for me; as I'd be very upset if I couldn't fulfill their requests but at the same time I learned to become firm with my decision.

Thank you Allah for the life experience. Thank you Allah for easing the way. Please help me along my way in this world until the day I close my eyes.

71200 Seremban


1) There's another story in ortho...Nanti sambung cerita =)
2) 'Enjoying' my life in ED...huhu...

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Setahun berlalu, kini bertambah satu

27 tahun berlalu.
Syukur, Alhamdulillah atas segala nikmat yang Engkau kurniakan.
Semakin bertambah umur, semakin banyak dosa yang dipikul, tapi entah kan bertambah pahala yang terkumpul.
Berilah aku petunjuk untuk sampai ke syurgaMu.

Terima kasih buat emak yang melahirkan, buat ayah yang sama-sama membesarkan.
Terima kasih buat adik-adik yang menceriakan.
Terima kasih buat kawan-kawan yang sama-sama mencorakkan hidup ini.

Semoga sentiasa tabah dalam menghadapi setiap ujian kehidupan.
Semoga sentiasa dilorongkan ke jalan yang diredhaiNya dalam setiap keputusan.

Untuk Madihah, selamat berusaha untuk PMR tahun ini! Semoga tercapai cita-cita yang diimpikan.

43650 Bandar Bangi Bangi

p/s :

1) Mahu berBBQ petang ini bersama famili =)

2) Selamat Pengantin Baru buat Jah & Irwan (insyaAllah akak pergi sebelah PD), Zhafran & Syakirin, Syura & Firhan, Wan Izzudin & Anis (mereka semua kawan-kawan baik saya, Barakallahulakuma)

3) Esok saya bekerja, mahu tulis nombor cantik itu berkali-kali..errk =)

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Dia, Idola saya

Tensennye kerja sebagai HO... tapi kalau fikirkan ad orang kerjanya lagi tensen dpd HO.
kerja HO berurusan dengan orang sakit, kerja dia dengan semua orang. wajib pulak tu.
HO selalu kena marah, ugut dikenakan tindakan, extend, etc. Dia sampai kena baling batu lagi pasal buat kerja.
HO ad off day, die xde.
HO boleh mengadu pada mak, ayah, adik, kakak...(dan facebook, haha.). die xde sapa2 kat dunia ni..
Nasib baik 'Boss' dia sangat2lah understanding..

Sempena maulidur rasul ni, ingatan utk saya dan rakan2 HO; macam mana stress pun kerja kita, ia x seberapa kalau nak banding dengan kerja Rasulullah. Oleh itu, bersemangat! Haikal@Facebook

Terima kasih Allah.
Allahumma Solli 'Ala Muhammad.

Banyak yang saya perlu perbaiki.
Banyak yang saya kena pelajari.
Banyak yang saya harus berusaha mengikuti.

Ikhlas hati wahai diri.
Jom bekerja dengan bersemangat. Smile =)

70200 Seremban

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I'm hurt =(

I'm hurt =(

But those problems are expected in coordinating and managing people.
Thank you to those who never understand. Maybe you are right in fighting for your right which I seldom compromised.
Thank you to those who never considerate. Maybe you are right because I never know your personal problems which I could never bear if it happens to me.

Ya Allah, please help me to be sincere in my job. I don't want it to be wasted. I want it to be accountable.

Note : After all I hate this shift system. I don't mind if my life doesn't change as 'they' wish when initiating the system, but I just hate it after I go through it. I don't want to give my comment as my comment will usually not typical and not many people can take it; other people will quote it and another group of JKN staff will come to my hospital and get feedback. It gives headache to all!

Dear me, please renew your intention. We are doing this job to get blessings from Allah in the world and hereafter. Treat your patients as if they are your loved ones. Smile =)

70200 Seremban

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Permudahkan urusanku, Ya Allah

Meski ku rapuh
Di dalam langkah
Kadang tak setia kepadaMu
Namun cinta dalam jiwa
Hanyalah padaMu

Maafkanlah, bila hati
Tak sempurna mencintaiMu
Dalam dada kuharap hanya
DiriMu yang bertakhta

Opick - Rapuh

71200 Seremban

Wahai diri, ikhlaskan hati untuk segala-galanya.